The never-ending journey of improvement. Both of the self and of the world. Or should I say, improvement of the self and therefore of the world.
"You'll get better, keep going. You got this."
Today I swam 22-24 25m lengths. It might've been less than that had a man in the lane to my left not spoke the above words to me while I was trying to catch my breath and internally debating whether or not to continue. I'd set myself the goal of 2 lengths for every 5 minute segment on the clock once I realised that this would actually be challenging, and managed to beat this. A lifeguard also told me that if I keep setting myself goals and gradually increasing them then I'd regain my physical strength and most importantly to me at the time, my lung capacity.
Although it's been months since I last smoked, the years really took their toll. However, according to WhyQuit, my heart attack risk is now decreasing, my insulin resistance has normalized, my circulation has substantially improved (which I am pleased with, I don't miss the pins and needles!), and my lung function is beginning to improve. The first two I listed are of great importance to me as I now recognise that smoking was worsening my preexisting genetic risks! On the downside, I have gained weight -- and not all in a good way. Small price to pay for my health and the return of my appetite!
Truthfully, I doubt that I would have made this commitment to my health and future self without my personal, rediscovered faith. When something goes missing from life, when you ignore or neglect part of yourself, there is suffering. In my case, due to the particular part of myself I essentially split off from myself, the suffering was exacerbated by the loss of my internal compass. At one time, I believed that my faith was something I relied on to give me reason. Now I theorize that it's actually something that allows me to validate the reasons I find, including myself. That is, my own existence is reason to live. Circular logic has it's upsides!
There are many changes I've made in my lifestyle, and I believe there are more in my future. This had to happen. Anything could have happened, but this is what has happened. Anything could happen, but it's my choice to take myself to that anything. I've decided to be happy with the outcomes, and I think that will increase the likelihood of being happy with future outcomes. Eventually, I would be happy despite the outcome, I think that's something of great value I've learned recently.
